6 min read

Getting the Love You Want

You attract the kind of people in your life based on your current Vibration. If you continually find yourself getting into unhealthy or even toxic relationships where you're clearly not getting the love you want, you need to take a step back and reflect on what you’re genuinely feeling about yourself. Realize that when you love yourself, you then give the opportunity for other people who meet your standards to Love You in the way you deserve.

Watch my YouTube Video here on this topic

We all aspire to get the love that we want, to get the true love we desire, whether that’s in a current relationship or if we’re looking to start a new relationship. To attain this, you must first begin to see yourself as somebody worthy of love; all while be genuinely yourself. Once you fully envelop this mindset and really believe, it will be a matter of time that you’ll see the change you desire in your current relationship, or you’ll attract the right relationship as opposed to a toxic one.

Now there will be people in your life that will love you no matter what (like your parents). But many times, you can get lost in your day to day World, unconsciously aware that you get a reflection of who you are "being" at that moment. What many don't realize is that this isn’t even who you indeed are at a soul level. This is a reflection of where your Ego is at. When you go out in the World you are projecting your self-image. The way you feel about yourself is contagious to other people. To have the desirable magnetic energy and really have the ability for people to truly love the real you, you must first love yourself. If you don't consciously appreciate who you are and you're not focused on what you're grateful for, you could be on this carousel of confusion, wondering what you’re doing wrong and why you’re not attracting the sort of people that you really desire.

Stop trying to get people to Love you

Stop Chasing people. Stop trying to be indispensable. Love shouldn’t be forced, earned, or worked for. No weight loss pills need to be taken. Nothing needs to be snipped off or injected to ensure getting the love you want. When connections are real, it’s mutual communication, appreciation from day 1. And If you change who you are to be with someone, essentially being fake, then that relationship will soon unfold as you’ll show the signs that you don’t love yourself, and then the other person will start to doubt whether you’re worthy for them. Nothing needs to be said verbally here; this is all in the energy or Vibration that you’re giving off. So coming to love yourself really is something that can’t be faked. It’s why your friends will tell you upon the end of a relationship that you need to work on yourself, or you're doomed to repeat the last scenario in your next relationship.

The error that many people make is that they go out with open hands asking people to make them feel loved. I can’t tell you how many passive-aggressive posts I see on Facebook daily that are desperate for likes, sad faces, or comments. This behavior gives society power over you, and I’m not speaking of "power" from an ego perspective, but I want you to understand that if you put that much responsibility in another person to "make you feel good" about yourself when they leave they “make” you feel bad about yourself…. When In all reality, they didn’t make you feel bad about yourself… they just reflected back at how you’ve felt about yourself all along. This is why it is so essential to work on this.

One of the most overused quotes that personally makes me shake my head is the quote from Jerry Macguire, “You complete me.”

No honey… You complete yourself, and anyone who has the luxury to be with you should add to that. Don’t put that kind of pressure on someone else to fill a void within you. That’s not a fair request. Now don’t misunderstand, I do love that movie, and I consider myself a romantic, but the point I’m trying to make here is that quote just doesn’t depict a healthy mindset.

Now I know that some of this may seem kind of weird because it feels so unnatural for you to put yourself first and truly love yourself, but understand that mindset is based on conditioning. We've all been conditioned not to love ourselves. We've been conditioned to have all these rules regarding how we can love ourselves and why we should or why we shouldn’t. We've had all these magazine companies and all these advertisements that show the perfect models of how we're supposed to be, and if we're not, we need to be fixed. We need some weight loss formula to look exactly like them, but that's just conditioning. That's not really true. You might subconsciously think it's true. You might buy into it, and that's where many inner judgments may come from.

Realize that we come from a source that is NOTHING BUT LOVE

Love is our natural state of being, and when we put labels in our minds when we're focused on other perspectives, we create barriers between ourselves, which causes a lot of the problems we have in the World.

You need to get back to the core of who you are

You need to realize that your natural state of love is about letting go of perspectives that no longer serve your well being. Let go of all the baggage that you may have been carrying around. You've been walking around with other people's baggage and other people's beliefs. And it's so tiresome to bring them everywhere you go. But now what you’re realizing is that we can let them go, that they're not really even your beliefs. They were just things you picked up that you thought you identified with. This is what so many around you are doing. Everyone else is carrying luggage around, looking to hire someone else to ease the burden. What I'm encouraging you to do is let that luggage go. You can realize self-love is your natural state of being and that as you start to understand this, you can let go of everything emotionally that burdens you.

So How? How do I go from this state of being to LOVING MYSELF 100%? Of course, this is embedded conditioning deep in your subconscious mind, so this will be a process to change these limiting beliefs. But let’s not get overwhelmed and start with small practical baby steps.

Step 1: Forgiveness

Now the first powerful way to really love yourself is to forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for all past breakups. Forgive yourself for putting up with less than what you deserve. Forgive yourself for not loving yourself as much as you could have and understand that you did the best you could with what you had. Now, of course, you can forgive other people for everything they've done, but realize that people are only coming from their own level of rationalization. So they may genuinely think they did not wrong you, and they feel justified. This is where you need to let it go and forgive them regardless. It’s so freeing when you realize this, that everyone is coming from different levels of perspective. Don’t hold grudges… Let it go. This is emotionally healing.

Step 2: Positive Affirmations

If you had the lover of your dreams, what do you visualize they would be saying to you? What do you most want to hear? They’d be telling you they love you and that you mean the World to them, right?. Say these things to yourself. Say everything you long to hear. To make them even more powerful, say them to yourself in a mirror. This WILL feel awkward at first, but it is incredibly effective, and it becomes more comfortable with time. You might even find yourself crying, and that’s okay. You’re working on yourself, and you’ve taken steps to LOVE Yourself for who you are.

Step 3: Focus on Now

What are you grateful for right now? The more you focus on being grateful right now, the more that will leak into your past thoughts. You’ll start to appreciate your past and that it was a learning experience and not a failure. That gratitude builds and builds, and you become happy and proud of yourself. The anxiety about your future will melt away, and you’ll begin to feel hopeful about how far you have come. And then you’ll start to get more of a reflection of how you’re being and feeling in the current moment. So if you’re feeling negative emotion right now from focusing on past negative aspects of yourself, feel grateful that you’re aware of your thoughts because that’s when you can change. Start to change your perspective on how you think about yourself. Instead of having the limiting belief that I am not worthy of a good relationship; or that there are no good men/women left in the World... say, “I am worthy of great love.” When you say this, you’re affirming it to your subconscious mind, and when you say these statements enough, you begin to BELIEVE them. Before you know it, someone worthy of you will come along, and you will be delighted!